Romantic obsessions and feelings of dependency often go hand in hand. Sometimes, obsession is the result of unrequited love, according to Susan Peabody in her book, "Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships." Or you may secretly long for someone to be dependent upon. You have a fantasy that this particular person will be able to fulfill all of your unmet emotional needs. Perhaps you think thoughts such as, "If only I could be with this person, everything would be okay and nothing else would matter."
Throw away pictures of him. Get rid of any sentimental memorabilia or letters that remind you of him. You have to part with the objects that are feeding your obsessions.
Stop reading her Facebook, Twitter or blog page. Sitting around staring at her picture or reading her status updates will only prolong your obsession. Don't drive past her house or repeatedly call her and hang up. Force yourself to stop these behaviors. No matter how hard it seems at first, it will get easier the more you do it.
Ask yourself if fantasizing about him takes priority over other activities in your life. According to author Peabody, daydreaming and fantasizing is dangerous if it occurs while driving or if it interferes with your interpersonal relationships or work.
Distract yourself once you feel your thoughts taking on a life of their own. Get out of the house and go for a walk, call a friend or see a movie. Immediately do anything to change your mindset as soon as you feel yourself falling prey to your obsessive thoughts.
See a therapist. According to psychologist Brenda Schaeffer in her book, "Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?," obsessively seeking approval, acceptance and emotional care-taking from another person is often the result a childhood trauma or abuse. You look for someone you think can heal your lifelong wounds and make you whole. You obsess about her because you believe that she will provide you with the security and love you've been looking for. Talking with a therapist will give you insight and help you deal with and possibly resolve these issues.
Improve your self-esteem. According to author Peabody, obsessive people lack self-esteem. Spend some time developing your positive attributes. Find your hidden talent and do something creative. Focus on taking good care of yourself by eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep.
Ashley Miller is a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, certified Reiki practitioner, yoga enthusiast and aromatherapist. She has also worked as an employee assistance program counselor and a substance-abuse professional. Miller holds a Master of Social Work and has extensive training in mental health diagnosis, as well as child and adolescent psychotherapy. She also has a bachelor's degree in music.