People look to celebrities for practically everything — and advice about sex is no exception. But how much validity is there to the bits of wisdom our favorite stars dole out? Is Rashida Jones’ recommendation for “ex sex” really a good idea? Is Amy Poehler right when she advises women never to fake it? And is dirty talk between the sheets as essential for everyone as it is for Khloe Kardashian? We tapped top sex experts to chime in. Spoiler alert: Celebs don’t have all the answers.
1. Eva Longoria
Actress Eva Longoria claims her sex life got a major boost after she learned how to pleasure herself — and it turns out that she’s onto something. “I didn’t begin enjoying sex until I started masturbating,” she told Self in 2005. “Before that, I really wasn’t sexual.”
Nicoletta Heidegger, a marriage and family therapy associate and sexologist in Los Angeles, couldn’t agree with Longoria more. “Knowing our own bodies and their capabilities for pleasure is key to enjoying sex with another person,” Heidegger says. “If you don’t know how to pleasure yourself, how can you expect sex to be great with someone else? The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves.”
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2. Ronda Rousey
In 2015, UFC star Ronda Rousey caused quite the stir when she said that women should never require a lubricant before sex. “He needs to get her ready,” she told Maxim. “You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy and you’re not taking your time.”
According to Beverly Hills sex therapist Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., Rousey’s advice is far from sound. “This is not true. There are many variables that affect a woman’s natural lubrication, so it’s sending the wrong message to say that something is wrong with her if she is not becoming lubricated,” Dr. Chavez says. “Natural lubrication is always changing in response to lifestyle factors, diet, medication, stress and frequency of sexual activity.” In other words: There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re reaching for lube in the bedroom.
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3. Khloe Kardashian
Khloe Kardashian has never been afraid to speak her mind — and that applies to when she’s in the bedroom too. “I actually think it’s rude if you’re not vocal,” she wrote in a 2016 post on her app. “If my guy isn’t vocal, I’m not excited. How am I supposed to know if he’s enjoying himself?” While naughty talk may work for Khloe, it’s not a universal turn-on.
“Verbal communication is not for everyone. People are wired differently around what arouses and excites them,” notes Dr. Chavez. “It is important to incorporate both verbal and nonverbal communication during sex. For nonverbal, use eye contact, hand caressing and body movements to express your desire and visually stimulate your partner.” For couples thinking of trying their hand at dirty talk, Chavez recommends having a conversation first. “Consent and comfort play very important roles in sex.”
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4. Heidi Klum
For Heidi Klum, mixing it up in the bedroom is the key to a happy sex life. “It’s good to do things outside of the norm,” Klum told Marie Claire. “If you are wild and crazy, bring it on so the other person is well aware.” While many people don’t like to rock the bedroom boat, Klum is onto something.
Thinking — or performing — outside the box isn’t just good for your sex life, it’s good for your relationship. “It’s about how much you are willing to learn new skills, meet your partner’s needs or widen your interests,” notes Sari Cooper, director of Center for Love and Sex and host of the web show Sex Esteem. “If two people identify with the submissive role and have no interest in switching power roles, they may be ill-matched erotically. But if that same couple learned the skills needed to become switches and take turns, the same wouldn’t necessarily hold true.”
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5. Amy Poehler
In her memoir “Yes, Please,” Amy Poehler advises women to forgo the theatrics of faking an orgasm. “Try not to fake it: I know you are tired/nervous/eager to please/unsure of how to get there. Just remember to allow yourself real pleasure and not worry about how long it takes,” she wrote.
Aida Manduley, a social worker and sex educator, couldn’t agree more. “Faking can be easier in the short-term, especially to wrap up a sexual encounter that would otherwise go on for longer than we want. But it’s important to ask ourselves what are we avoiding through faking and what the consequences may be,” Manduley says, adding that repeatedly faking orgasms will only train your partner to do the wrong thing.
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6. Christina Aguilera
Forget the glass of wine! After a long day, Christina Aguilera likes to unwind between the sheets. In 2013 the singer told Maxim, “Sometimes being sexual with my partner is a great way to blow off steam at the end of a hard day’s work.” And so it should be. According to Manduley, sex is a tried-and-true way to de-stress. “Sex (with or without orgasm) can release endorphins and other chemicals that boost mood, elevate pain tolerance and release tension,” Manduley explains.
On the flip side, though, if sex is causing you stress, it’s usually the result of too much thinking and not enough being. “Performance-focused sex and evaluating yourself sexually can lead to stress by triggering anxiety and self-conscious thoughts and feelings,” Dr. Chavez notes, adding that conflict within a relationship can also cause sex stress and lead to feeling disconnected.
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7. Jada Pinkett Smith
Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith have been married for more than 20 years, and part of the reason may be because the couple likes to keep things fresh by switching up where they have sex. “Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary!” she told Redbook.
Dr. Chavez often recommends trying new locations around the house as well as using different props and a new sexual script. “It adds playfulness and adventure,” she says. “Sex is something that is constantly evolving and changing like everything in life. Changing it up and trying new things keeps you interested and excited about sexual pleasure and play.”
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8. Rashida Jones
For Rashida Jones, the past isn’t necessarily in the past when it comes to sex. “I think [sex with an ex is] a good idea when you know that you’re not going to see them again or call them again,” she said. “Ex sex is also a good idea when there’s unfinished business.”
At the end of the day, only you can decide if ex sex is right for you, but sexologist Nicoletta Heidegger recommends proceeding with caution. “Ex sex can be tempting as it’s comfortable and you know each other. It might feel good for a time, but I would ask yourself what you are hoping to gain from double dipping into an expired relationship,” she says. “As long as you are OK with the physical and emotional consequences, it is up to you what you want to do with your heart and body.”
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Never one to mince words, Rihanna once bluntly said on Twitter: “I could give a f*** about the foreplay — I want it now.” But perhaps the singer has the wrong idea of what foreplay really is.
“Some people don’t enjoy foreplay because they have a preconceived notion of what foreplay is supposed to be,” Manduley says. “I like to describe foreplay as ‘whatever activities lead up to a sexual encounter.’” Manduley also notes that some people don’t enjoy foreplay because they feel self-conscious about taking the time beyond what they’ve been told is the bare minimum. “There are a lot of psychological reasons someone might be averse to foreplay, and many of them are negative social messages and shame more than something being bad about foreplay itself.”
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10. Sofia Vergara
All Sofia Vergara requires for good sex is love. “The key to good sex is for both partners to be themselves and be spontaneous,” she said. “But forget exotic positions, the key for guaranteed good sex is to be in love with that person. Simple as that.”
While love may be the crucial ingredient for the “Modern Family” star, it’s not necessarily the case for everyone. “Everyone has a different definition of what ‘good’ sex looks like to them. I know plenty of partners who love each other who do not connect on an erotic level,” Heidegger says. “This is a personal preference, and I would suggest trying different kinds of sex with different connections and being curious as to what makes sex good for you. Personally, I’d rather have great sex, and this takes knowing your own needs.”
What Do YOU Think?
Do you ever follow celebrity sex advice? What advice here do you find to be the best? What about the worst? What sex tips do you have? Where do you look for sexual advice? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!